what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize