You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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