I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
COCAINE IS GR8
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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