We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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