Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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