I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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