I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
