I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
