drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Be still, my beating vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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