its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize