I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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