Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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