I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize