In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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