well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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