Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Use "feeling words"
Yay
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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