I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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