Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize