and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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