I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize