mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize