his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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