so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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