you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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