Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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