Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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