when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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