i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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