Tell her she can't have a vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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