i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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