he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize