you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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