my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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