I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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