i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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