he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's never too late to be topless.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize