His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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