I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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