you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize