I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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