I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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