You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So squirting runs in the family.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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