I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize