just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize