Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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