just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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