Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize