Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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