he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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