I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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